Author: Anita
Fandom: Takarazuka RPF
Characters: Tsukishiro Kanato / Akatsuki Chisei
Genre: yuri, romance
Rating: PG
Status: complete
Summary: One night, Reiko finds a diary with the inner thoughts of someone in her troupe, and she wants to return it, but Ari stops her from leaving it in the lost-and-found and they decide to look for the owner together.
Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6
Chapter 4
Even about a week after that meeting? Talk? Unnamable? Reiko still couldn’t decide what to do with the notebook. It hung heavy on her, even though she didn’t even carry it to the rehearsals. Every day, she’d ask Ari and receive a negative—no one had complained about a lost notebook or seemed to be looking for anything nondisclosed, which would be the scenario Reiko had foreseen as more probable. The more time passed, the less chances they had of ever tracking the person.
And never finding her was for the best, Reiko had decided that morning as she went inside the rehearsal room. Over time, a lot of things had come up that she wanted to tell that girl and all the younger ones in the troupe, but she’d come to terms that perhaps the latter, talking to everyone in the troupe and teaching what she could, was all she’d be able to do for the owner.
She spotted Ari again talking to Kazama Yuno in a corner, but this time she was set on not letting it intimidate her. It was too much saying it didn’t get to her but ever since her talk with Eri, she’d made her best not to stay away from the two or whomever junior happened to be entertaining Ari. It really didn’t make sense not to go there and greet them at least, ask how they were today, when they were all part of the same troupe.
So that was what she had meant to do when she finally entered the hearing range of what the two were talking.
“…don’t think she’s ever giving me the notebook,” she caught Ari saying in a hushed tone. And if Reiko still thought there was reasonable doubt, because ‘she’ could mean anyone and ‘notebook’ was too common an item, Ari added, “As long as she never reads it, I could just say I heard the person isn’t looking anymore.”
Equally unaware of being overheard, Yuno pouted for a moment. “If she hasn’t already, I’ll say we’re safe. Wait a little more and—” That was the moment she noticed at last, bulging eyes turning in Reiko’s direction.
Noticing that reaction, Ari also turned and gasped. “Reiko-san?” It was as if she was still hoping for Reiko’s presence to be a figment of imagination.
And that was what finally did it. The guilt, the helplessness on Ari’s face demonstrated more than what little Reiko had happened to catch of the conversation.
“What the hell?” Reiko roared. “How could you do this, Ari?” She felt aware of the stares due to her outburst. Muttering cursory words, she grabbed Ari’s arm and demanded, “You’ll talk to me now.”
The girls gave way to them in a trance of morbid interest, as they cut through and walked to a nearby classroom. The teachers and the direction staff would arrive for the rehearsal in a few minutes, so they had little time, but she was too distraught to delay the confrontation. Perhaps, it was because she remained embraced to the hope of obtaining a good reason.
“Why and how much does she know?” Reiko motioned her head to Yuno’s hypothetical location. She couldn’t even look out of the door, for she had a ridiculous feeling Ari would disappear the moment no eyes were on her.
Even though no spoken answer came, it was written all over Ari’s remorseful face.
“I can’t believe this!” Reiko threw her hands to the air. “I trusted you. I swear, I would have given you the diary if it had only my secrets to keep, because I trust you. You’ve been acting weird, but I still didn’t think I couldn’t trust you because, guess what? I trust you, Ari. Was that it? Because you didn’t think I trusted you enough when I didn’t let you keep the diary?”
Ari just shook her head, but so out of it, it almost certainly wasn’t to answer anything. It was like she was in denial of everything.
“I understand Yuno is as much your friend as I’m yours, probably even more. You’re almost the same age and have been together for longer too. I can’t demand more from you, I just have to accept it.”
“I-it’s not that, Reiko-san,” Ari mumbled but didn’t elaborate. Didn’t seem like she was trying to do it either.
Reiko was also lost in her head because a thought had hit her in the gut. Numbingly, chaotically, and finally enlighteningly. Wasn’t that it? Reiko sounded just like a girl who had to accept her crush had found someone else because she was that girl. There was this small thing that kept changing the logical conclusion of whenever she was with Ari, her feelings. She’d always felt something special but assumed it was a special friendship with Ari. But it was neither just a friendship nor ‘with’ but love for Ari. That mission that fell on her lap had gotten them talking and exploring sides of their relationships that stirred and nurtured that feeling. And now it overflew.
“…not like that at all!” Ari was saying when Reiko came to. And crying, tears covered her face so profusely it covered her, and someone could mistake it for sweat after running a hundred miles under a scalding sun. “I’m so sorry,” she continued, “Reiko-san… I can’t tell you everything, but I swear, you misunderstood us.”
Was it possible it was a misunderstanding? When Ari acted like she’d really done something wrong? Reiko was aware she might have judged her too quickly, and yet… “Why don’t you explain, then?”
“I really can’t, I…” Still, she paused and considered it but shook her head. “I really, really can’t. I don’t blame you, I haven’t been fully honest, but I can’t tell you everything. I’m n-not ready… It’s right because I didn’t know what to do, that…”
That she sought for Yuno?
“Sorry, I kinda overheard you two…”
Reiko snapped her head toward the entrance to find no one else but Kazama Yuno standing tentatively there, one foot inside, the other invisible behind the door.
“You’re wrong about a couple of things, Reiko-san,” she spoke with clear effort to keep her language polite. “Ari-san and I aren’t together romantically. And Ari didn’t go behind your back to tell me about the missing notebook. I apologize for pretending I didn’t know anything about it all this time.” She bowed.
Confused, Reiko searched for a cue from Ari, but found her still sobbing quietly. Reiko herself felt her eyes sting, her nose too stuffed to breathe properly. How would they rehearse after this? As her thoughts wrestled to run properly, she looked back at Yuno. “How would you know, if it wasn’t Ari?” Then it clicked. “Unless it is… you!” she blurted.
Yuno’s mouth gaped, and her eyes went searching the room, stopping on Ari more than a couple of times.
Reiko would have loved to understand more about corporal language, but she knew Yuno well enough. “No, you’re not her. You’re too different,” mumbling so, she focused once more on Ari. Her mind still running crazy like a beast gone berserk. “If you knew it without Ari telling you…” This person, the true owner would have been someone close, someone they knew the identity. That way, Yuno could have found out about the notebook going missing before Reiko told Ari about it—
“I’m sorry, Reiko-san!” Ari uttered, cutting her line of thoughts. “I did tell Odachin everything.”
“What are you saying?” Yuno chided.
Reiko’s feeling was correct, it wasn’t Yuno. But there could be a reason she was so fiercely defending her friend. Was it wishful thinking? Still, hope grew in her chest, something like a bliss overdose tickled her stomach and started going up. “Is it you?” she asked Ari forthright.
Ari reacted with a bewildered, empty look.
“Was it you who wrote that diary?” Reiko repeated.
Even more bewildered, Ari denied with all her strength.
“Oh, she’s lying, it’s really her!” Yuno was saying louder by the syllable. “That’s why I already knew everything! She’s directly involved so of course she’d tell me. She’s the real owner!” she spoke so fast, Reiko gave up following.
Because the excitement from a minute ago was gone, withered down. Reiko considered Ari again, for she wouldn’t say anything else but act like a deer in headlights. Looking back to the last ten days or so, she had argued with Reiko about giving someone who had a crush on her a chance to get to know her better, but she’d never told expressly Reiko to be with the diary’s owner. If anything, Ari had sabotaged the girl, so she wouldn’t know Reiko had found out about her feelings, and that Reiko herself couldn’t consider a girl she didn’t know, like Ari had seemed to defend in the beginning. Whatever her plight was, it would have been impossible for Reiko to give the diary’s owner a chance because of Ari’s intervention, so had Ari really defended giving the girl a chance?
“You’re not her, either,” Reiko concluded, tasting bitterness in her mouth. No, if Ari were the girl who wrote she was in love, she wouldn’t have delayed everything on purpose like she had. “I’m too tired to even wonder why Yuno keeps lying, but none of you two are her.”
Were it because of those words or also because Ari felt tired herself, but she just crouched with her head low, face hidden from sight.
“But it’s true,” Yuno spoke, cutting through the silence, “she didn’t betray your trust; she had legitimate reasons to talk to me.”
“Then why?”
Before Yuno showed any clue of what she was going to do with the question, Ari stood up and bowed deeply, much beyond the ninety degrees. “I’m very sorry, Reiko-san.”
Reiko felt her hands move toward her, a yearn to hold her tightly. If only she could rewrite that story, so Ari was the owner and she’d tell her their feelings were mutual. It would all become a romantic comedy with a happy ending. But it was impossible to change others.
“You looked pretty excited that Ari could be her,” Yuno said. Was she that observant or was Reiko simply obvious?
“It’s enough, Oda,” Ari cut her.
“She was like, ecstatic. I’m not joking, you just weren’t paying attention. I could bet my lead that she wanted it to be you.”
Reiko stifled a laugh, despite her situation. But it went unnoticed.
Clearly aggrieved by Yuno’s behavior, Ari rose her voice, “Enough!” The shout was so loud and crushing it echoed and left the other two dumfounded. In a more reasonable manner, and maybe too reasonable for the situation, Ari continued to talk, looking Reiko in the eye, “I’m very sorry. I was the worst this whole time and didn’t deserve your trust. I do know who the owner is, and she’s not me. I kept wishing this story would be over and you’d forget it, but you took it so seriously I noticed it wouldn’t go away just like that.” She turned to Yuno and grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her out of the room.
It took Reiko a moment too long to realize the door they had gone through wasn’t left empty. A few heads had moved to let them pass, others to peek inside. So rehearsal had yet to start, that part was good news, but... Even Misono Sakura stood there, frowning and hesitating whether she should go to Reiko. So much for keeping the diary a secret… The curious crowd seemed to belong mostly to the 99th class, so no one would feel intimate enough to question her directly—maybe Sakura, but she’d understand the privacy issues and not bother.
Reiko looked away from the door, doing her best to ignore the whispers from her audience. The tears that stung her eyes for the whole time overwhelmed her and were on the brink of falling. She took a deep breath and without turning to them offered, “Does anyone need any drink? I’m going to the vending machine.”
They replied no in a hurry and let her leave the room. Like they were astounded she’d talked to them. Did they think they were an actual audience, not to be acknowledged there?
Reiko shrugged and walked down the hallway. She passed by the first machine because it was still too close. Moreover, it wasn’t the drink she was after, but space.
After some time turning here and there, she located the next machine and inserted the coins necessary for the milk tea. She’d considered finding something that the previous didn’t have available to justify going that far, but they offered very same products. As she heard the bottle falling, she squatted and allowed tears to fall; she’d probably have cried harder hadn’t she become aware of steps coming in her direction. Hurriedly, she wiped her face and collected the drink, standing back up to greet whomever it could be.
Hanabusa Kaoto halted uncomfortably, like a kid who’d gotten lost while visiting her dad’s office.
“We should hurry to the rehearsal,” Reiko said, trying to keep her calm. “What do you want to drink?”
Kaoto looked down to her feet and breathed in slowly. “Are you… Do you have my notebook? I think that was what you were talking about back there, right? You have my notebook?”
To be continued
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