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Chapter 5
Now I thought about it, why would Ari come to the entrance of my apartment after hearing a very loud doorbell? We’d all received pretty clear and strict orders: do not leave your homes, do not socialize. Although most of us started exercising and all of us still had to go out to buy groceries, the second part shouldn’t have exceptions. While I was sure a lot weren’t following it strictly (I promise I’d been until last night), I’d expected Ari to at least pretend we were behaving and not show up to whoever would be visiting me. What if this were a director? They’d never come to my house before, but it could have been.
So… why was she joining us, greeting Miki-san while motioning for me to take her skirt?
“She’s here?” Miki-san was predictably puzzled. “You’re spending the quarantine together?”
I looked to my side, where Ari still tried to force me to take the skirt, then back to Miki-san. “No… no.”
“Yeah!” Ari said at the same time but much more firm, her answer muffling mine. “I was feeling lonely, so I came over.”
Miki-san took another moment to study us.
“She just stopped by last night, but we drank too much…” I heard myself and I sounded desperate, so I stopped mid-sentence.
“We're going on a date now,” Ari completed very differently from how I’d planned that to sound to Miki-san.
“To have lunch,” I corrected with a steadier voice. And then I faltered, realizing neither of them beheld a satisfied look on the faces they made at me. I felt as though on the top of a mountain, praying for oxygen. Damage control. I needed to do damage control fast. “Ari, could I… just…”
Unlike what I’d predicted, Ari in fact appeared satisfied with that. She nodded and walked to my room without even trying to push the skirt at me a last time. Maybe she’d even given a look of contempt to Miki-san, or was it my imagination?
Hearing the door close after Ari, I asked Miki-san to come inside and led her to my living room. We found it surprisingly organized considering the glimpses I’d retained from the previous night.
“I don't think we’re eating any of this, are we?” Miki-san put down the basket on my dining table without a second look. “But don’t let it go to waste, okay? Share it with Ari, or something.” Her smile was so kind, it finally made my breathing easier.
Indeed, why was I feeling bad? Ari and I had just literally slept together. Also, Miki-san wasn’t my girlfriend, that wasn’t our thing. Above all, we hadn’t even slept together for almost a month. Or met in person, for that matter. Our video calls had gone a little non-family friendly at times, but we’d been joking more often than not. Her visiting me this morning of all days had been just unlucky—she hadn’t caught me doing anything I wasn’t allowed to.
“So… you two made up. How nice.” She motioned for my room with her head.
“She just showed up last night.” Inside my house, my mind completed the sentence, but I decided to skip that part. “I’d say she was bored or something, so we were catching up.”
“Oh, I thought she was living with you.”
“What?” I laughed. “No way, that’s not even allowed. I know visiting right now isn’t either, but no. No way…” I laughed again.
“I feel stupid; I just realized you must also have received the same pictures.”
The word pictures brought up a lot of flashes of memories of the silly poses we’d done in this same room last night. Which made me sweat. I really hoped I hadn’t sent them to anyone, much less to Miki-san. And that neither had Ari.
Miki-san stared at me, maybe trying to guess my thoughts. “The sakura.” She took out her phone and showed me photos that indeed looked familiar. “I bet you were planning on taking Ari there, right? It’s just some random park according to Kocchan, so there shouldn’t be anyone this evening. You two can enjoy all you want and in private!”
She locked the screen again and put the phone in her pocket. I just realized I hadn’t even turned on the heater in the living room or offered to put her coat away. No wonder Miki-san had seen through my intentions. Which had been to make her leave, not going out to appreciate flowers with Ari. Because I’d completely forgotten about the sakura trees Kocchan had sent us.
“So she sent the same to the top stars group?”
“The sakura are blooming. This spot is great, too bad we can’t sit by the flowers this year,” Kocchan had written to our douki Line group. I looked again at the basket.
“Oh, no, I didn’t intend to eat those there. Just breakfast, as I said.” Miki-san paused and combed her hair with her hand. “No, I didn’t get to tell you that part. Sorry. I really had no idea Ari would be here.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay and eat?” I’d finally realized if that was breakfast, than Miki-san should be fasting at the moment. Since I was also on an empty stomach, my hunger felt for hers.
She shook her head and stood up. “I should get going.” But she hesitated for a while and then looked again in my direction. “Is there anything here, Usshii?”
“What?” I frowned alternatively looking to the floor and stealing a glance at her, while I blushed. Did she just ask what I’d imagined? If I had feelings for her? Gee, how did I even begin? Because I surely had none of that sort, but Miki-san had without a doubt become too valuable a friend.
“Not us. You.” She lifted her chin toward my room. “And her.”
Now I blushed harder for considering the wrong interpretation and making it even more awkward.
No, wait. No the part to focus now.
“WHAT?” I laughed so nervously I could see myself from outside of my body. “NO!”
“So you’re also sending her away after I leave?”
I knew I was taking too long to answer, but I really hadn’t thought of how much longer had I wanted Ari stay. It was a quarantine, in the end.
“I’m not jealous, don’t worry.” Miki-san smiled warmly and walked toward the genkan. “Just trying to understand.”
I lowered my head, because I too wasn’t so sure of what was going on here. Between Miki-san and me. This didn’t feel easy at all, even less as she closed the door.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
It may have taken an hour or a few minutes. There was just a lot going through my head for me to move from my spot: standing in the middle of the living room, my side to the genkan. I still couldn’t look at the door. I felt… embarrassed. That was the first I could name. I also felt bad. Uneasy, ironically uneasy.
“Hey…” I heard Ari’s tentative voice and startled at noticing her right in front of me. Then startled again, simply because it was Ari. “I swear I didn’t hear anything. You weren’t loud enough and I didn’t want to spy on you.”
She moved to the basket, still on my dining table. This should be obvious when neither of us had touched it, but I’d hoped that it had all been a nightmare. Was I too dramatic? I really needed to get a clue…
“But you can tell me what happened,” Ari continued, as she opened the beautiful royal blue ribbon. Miki-san had probably chosen one of my favorite colors on purpose, although I didn’t remember telling her about it. “You look terrible…” Ari had somehow approached me while I stared at the unmade plastic band that used to be that beautiful ribbon. She took my hand; hers were so warm and mine was shaking without my noticing until now. “It didn’t sound like a fight but I swear I wasn’t listening in so I have no idea.”
“You... ” I swallowed and tried again. “You knew it was her.” I got my hand back and decided to resume what Ari had started, putting away the items in the basket. “How did you know?”
Ari feigned not comprehending what I was talking about, but there wasn’t an alternative.
“Even I thought it could be my manager; so how did you know you could just come to the genkan in a robe?” As I spoke, I knew I wasn’t angry at her prank. The point stood very far from it.
“Y-your phone…” she mumbled almost inaudibly. “A notification came and it made a noise in the room. So I found it and saw Miki-san saying she was at the door at the same time the bell rang. Couldn’t have been anyone else.” She gripped hard at her pants. I’d taken this long to notice she had finally changed out of the robe; she’d really been busy trying not to pry on us.
It was really it. Lucky me for catching it this early on. So why couldn’t I breathe properly?
“Ari… why did you come last night?”
“You don’t think I foresaw that Miki-san would be coming today acting all romantic like that, do you?” Her voice was higher and all her demeanor became defensive. I felt bad because I was indeed interrogating her, but I really needed to know everything.
Ari had taken a couple of steps back and pondered as she studied me. Tried to read my intentions behind my questioning. “I was lonely… I have barely seen a soul since the beginning of the quarantine.” Yes, that was exactly what I had imagined. Now, of course. Until yesterday, I was sure she had been getting it on every day with Sora-chan and whomever else she’d met online. But that was the Ari I had created after hearing the stories and having too much time to build all else around them. This was the Ari I actually knew.
“You needed some company.”
“And I really wanted to see you,” she completed with a nod.
I smiled, tasting the bitterness from being right in my deduction. And for not knowing any better. What had I expected?
“Ari… you should go.”
She’d misinterpreted how I was dealing with all this. I could see it from how long it took for her to taking in what I had requested. “We’re going out now? The date?” It sounded more like she was pleading now.
“I need you to go home, please.” I turned my back as I stored part of the food in my cabinet. I couldn’t define if I wanted her not to be there when I turned again or the right opposite.
“Reiko-san, what did happen? Maybe I can talk to Miki-san. It’s just like what happened two months ago, remember?” She paused. “Even less; damn, much less!” And laughed, but it sounded hollow. “Reiko-san?” she pleaded blatantly now.
“I don’t even know, so how can I tell you?” I knew from my unsteady tone that I was at my limit.
“You two are more serious than I thought.” I heard Ari walking toward me. She spoke in a low voice now, “Do you love her?”
“No.” I wish I did, but I really didn’t. I should have at least hesitated that moment I misinterpreted Miki-san and thought she’d been asking me that same thing. But I’d been confident that I truly didn’t love her, not romantically. I was even more sure of it now that I understood why.
“We just made up, Reiko-san. It’s not fair that you still won’t be honest with me.” She brushed my arm with her hand but seemed to reconsider and took it away. “Let’s go out, you’ll feel better.”
Shit… That was tempting. So I looked to my feet, trying to ignore how close hers were.
“I don’t wanna go home,” she insisted, her feet moving toward me. “Let me at least spend today with you.”
“Let’s give up.” The words grazed my throat like thorns, but they were finally out. “We were so much better before, right?” As they did, I felt lighter. “It was all better before, so let’s go back.”
Ari fixed her gaze at me for so long I wondered if she intended to stay the whole day like that. Until she finally blinked and turned around. I heard her move about the house for too long, resisting the urge to apologize. To just go on that date, have lunch, walk around town pretending to be a couple, come back and watch more musicals. Yesterday had been so much fun.
But she left. She’d thankfully left before my resolve crumbled.
Because what I really wanted she wouldn’t give me.
Shit, I was glad I had caught it before my feelings had grown and suffocated us two. If scotching it was this excruciating… I wouldn’t have survived if this bud had bloomed before I nipped it.
My eyes felt weird. My nose, too. I knew it wasn’t some virus, but still, it had spread too fast; how could I feel this… useless.
I wished I could at least call Miki-san and have her spoil me. I’d been so brave my muscles physically hurt.
Mayupon would laugh so loud and hard. She had warned me all right.
To be continued…
Anita, 25/09/2020
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