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Chapter 3
From Tsukishiro Kanato’s LINE Messenger
Me: How are things with Sora?
Arincho: What do you mean?
Me: You know… Everything going good? She’s in Tokyo now, right?
Arincho: I guess she’s fine?
Because I Am From Austria was over, I didn’t see much of Ari for some days. It sucked that, after we finally reached a new level in our friendship, we were cast in separate shows. As much as we could meet around the theater during the rehearsals, it was never the same.
I looked again at our latest message exchange late last night and growled. Was that really a next level? I rolled on my bed, still staring at my phone screen. Today was the assembly day for Ari’s team, but mine still had two full days to happen. 48 hours for me to find a way to continue that conversation. No, I shouldn’t treat this like it was awkward. Ari was probably just joking, pretending I’d imagined her thing with Sora-chan. Of course I hadn’t. But why wouldn’t she tell me more?
Me: Are you in yet?
Arincho: You’re here??
She sent a stamp of a drooling dog.
Me: In spirit
Arincho: Should have known better
She added a picture of a dog in pajamas with a bubble saying oyasumi. I might be the actual sleepyhead but that looked so much like her. Dogs always made me think of Ari, even though she didn’t even own one. I smiled, mentally substituting the cartoon dog for Ari.
I must have typed a thousand alternatives for asking about her love life and/or Sora-chan. One of them sounded a lot like a recommendation letter talking about the time I’d spent with the girl during the Music School. In the end, I never brought her up again.
Me: Hope you slept well
Arincho: Like an angel!
Once more, I typed and deleted, typed and deleted. Ari could make this simpler for me and just read between the lines what I wanted to ask, Were you with anyone???
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Two days later, it was my own assembly day. Hopefully, getting immersed in the universe of The Red and the Black would take my mind off my friend’s liaisons. But I’d forgotten the weird looks I’d been receiving from Miki-san since that party.
Mayu had cleared everything up back then, explaining it’d been just Ari having fun and pretending to be drunk. The only people who’d really heard me answering at the same level were Miki-san and Rurika-san, so it was no wonder Mayu’s excuse wouldn’t work as well for her. She’d known I wasn’t drunk then. To make things worse, the more I tried to find a cue to talk about it, the more awkward I’d get. Even I would start thinking something was up. And then, the musical ended and we didn’t really meet much alone until now.
“I was sure we were getting along better now,” Miki-san said, sitting by my side while we watched the troupe rehearse. “But you’re back to acting like some runaway cat.” She giggled.
She was right, though the cause for my embarrassment was very different from how it had been when I’d transferred. “I’m… sorry. There’s just a lot…”
“Anything to do with Ari?”
I envied those skills. Observe and then do something about it. Miki-san wasn’t very good in speeches but you could always count on her advices; she always knew what was wrong. Although she probably couldn’t have the exact issue in mind, could she?
Here I was mentally complaining about how little Ari had told me, but I didn’t trust enough the person I should be the closest with right now, for the troupe. After weighing what could go wrong with being frank with Miki-san, I decided I could only profit. So I confirmed with my head and went on to give her a summarized version of my discoveries.
Miki-san chuckled even before I was done. “You seriously didn’t know anything?”
As I’d imagined, she’d also been aware… Mayu had been right, I was the last to know. “But you also seemed a little spooked we could be together… At the party, I mean.” I felt my cheeks burn, noticing how petty I sounded.
“Because I’d never seen her with anyone in the troupe. I don’t think she even goes for her douki, in fact.”
“Back when we talked, she mentioned something about being with someone during the school years and it went badly.” With one look on Miki-san’s face, I regretted saying that. That had been news to her, clearly. Ari hadn’t sworn me to secrecy, and I kept assuming to be the last to know stuff. “You… didn’t know that?”
Miki-san shook her head. “I had no idea.” But she understood what I was thinking and smiled kindly. “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything.” She stretched in the chair. “So maybe that’s it, huh? Dating people so close to you can get messy, indeed. But there’s a good side, too.”
I frowned. “You’ve dated someone from our troupe?”
It wasn’t only about Ari’s love life that I’d been oblivious, but for Miki-san it made a lot more sense. We’d had a long awkward period we barely talked and lately I’d come to trust her guidance when anything bothered me with my acting or dancing. Talking about private matters was still a long step ahead. Even now, I felt a little lightheaded hearing her confess something like that—and she hadn’t even said anything in substance yet.
“A few times. I’ve never transferred, so besides my douki, I don’t really have much contact with the others. Unlike Ari, I’m not into men to go gladly on blind dates, either.”
That sounded a little sad. The troupe was her way of settling down? But I thought again to her statement, Dating people so close to you can get messy. Settling down was on the opposite side of getting into any mess.
“So…” I bit my lip.
“In any case, they just exaggerate it when they talk about Ari. She’s not our Don Juan.” Miki-san laughed. “And I envy her, being so free about what she wants.”
I wanted so much to ask what had happened to her that Miki-san had to try this hard to keep this light but it still sounded so raw… I couldn’t intrude. “Maybe me too,” I caught myself agreeing to something I hadn’t noticed so clearly before. I lowered my head and studied my hands tightened. But that was the thing, maybe? Was that what had been bothering me when I thought of Ari these days? “I think I’d also like that.”
I watched in slow motion Miki-san's hand approach mine and hesitate there. I knew if I looked up this moment would go away. Did I want it to?
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That was my first time sleeping with someone just for that, it was also my first doing something this intimate with a troupe mate. Or with anyone from the theater, for that matter.
After that talk during the rehearsal, she asked me if we could have dinner together in my place. Her eyes were too eager for her to be really talking about dinner. “And maybe stay over?” she’d added, eliminating room for doubts.
How crazy was it, that we were walking home hand in hand? And how even crazier was it that I had just closed the door when she kissed me, pulling my head closer to her? I didn’t remember how long it had been since any tongue had gone inside my mouth and now hers traced all the way down to my neck and inside my shirt. And hadn’t I been wearing a scarf? My heater wasn’t even on yet, I remembered in the back of my mind.
There was very little about each other that was really novelty, so close we were every day, which helped a lot, but would also leave my guard low for what still was new. Miki-san surely worked a lot until I reached my limit and couldn’t hold all the pleasure to myself. As though that had been the final barrier, I lost myself in her arms.
I woke up feeling cold. I wasn’t sure for how long I had dozed off, probably not that much. Looking to my side, Miki-san was still out. She had managed to involve herself in the bed covers, holding them as if they were a teddy bear. It was cute to see that young side of hers so many in the troupe already knew. We’d known each other since the Music School, but she’d been so far ahead of me, who’d say we’d ever come to whatever this had become?
After putting on something comfortable, I emptied a glass of water and turned on the heater, remembering how much Miki-san hated the cold. Mine and her scarves were still by the genkan, so I picked them up and folded them carefully. I did the same with our coats, found not in a much different state. Moving helped me process what we had done.
A fling, this was? Friends with benefits? Could I really? Had anyone suggested it yesterday, I would have doubted it. Affirmed it a month ago, and I’d call them crazy. Originally, I thought I’d only agreed because it had been Miki-san. But that was inexact. Being Miki-san made it harder to refuse, yes. However, this had gotten to a point I even wondered if I hadn’t planted the seed to this idea inside her head. I’d really envied Ari’s freedom… And went further what she’d ever done. The top star of my troupe!
I was probably smiling when I heard the doorbell.
Why was someone here? Was it that much earlier than I had imagined? After Miki-san and I made out by the door, we’d actually had dinner, drunk wine and even started a movie before mustering courage to proceed. Thus, it couldn’t be time for anyone to be visiting me.
As I checked the peephole, I gasped. Hadn’t I, perhaps I’d been wiser and pretended not to be home or to be asleep—although the person outside could probably hear movement and see the lights on inside. But my brain was probably on shortage of oxygen, so I opened the door to Ari.
“Hiya!” she said with a silly smile. “Surprised to see me, sweetheart?”
The smell was already a good hint, but needless. All her body expression spelled she’d drunk until some bar closed.
“Darling, I’m home!” she added as she tried to force her way through me.
My senses back, I held her where she was. “I think you got the wrong home,” I said giggling nervously and failed to turn around.
“I know, I know! It’s just until the first train,” she asked. “I missed the last one.” Then, she tried again to come inside.
I held her shoulders so she’d remain where she was. “It’s better if you take a cab, where’s your phone?”
“Why waste the money with my good friend right here?” This time, Ari managed to take a step inside my genkan. She looked down, noticing she’d run over one of the boots there. She stopped and pondered. My hands felt the tightening of her muscles change, so I followed what could have created any tension when she’d sounded like such a merry drunk a second before. Then, her eyes finally saw me, losing that mist the alcohol had given them. She was sobering up after identifying Miki-san’s boots at my doorstep.
I stepped back and waited.
But Ari didn’t say a word. She just walked past me into my living room, where I had folded the pieces of clothes we’d discarded while making out. At least, the most compromising bits had made it into the bedroom.
“You had a party?”
A cop out. I would have identified the offer even without that obvious tone. I wasn’t planning to hide this from Ari, but I’d first have to clear with Miki-san how much I could actually say. Either way, I couldn’t confirm what wasn’t true.
But Ari didn’t wait for an answer and was about to step into my bedroom and find our top star naked, when Miki-san herself came into the living room. Luckily dressed again in the lavender shirt she’d been wearing when we arrived and her black pants. I let out a sigh.
“What’s happening?” Miki-san asked, holding back a yawn.
“Your shirt is buttoned wrong,” Ari said point blank. Then turned back to where I was still frozen by the door and pointed to my face. “We agreed to talk about things and I catch you doing it with Miki-san?”
I opened my mouth three or four times but was unable to come up with anything to say. Something pinched the inside of my brain. Some memory trying to surface.
"How about we have some tea? You've been at some bar until too late again, no?” Miki-san walked to the kitchen and I heard her pour water in the electric water kettle.
Ari ran an unsteady hand through her hair. “Great to see her all cozy here.” Then left, stomping out of my apartment.
I couldn’t react for a while. Only Miki-san coming back out of the kitchen brought me from the crisis inside my head. So I misdirected my anger. Despite knowing that was what I was doing, I couldn’t stop myself from turning against her, spitting venom, “Why did you have to appear looking like that?” The more I saw her, the more evident it was we’d just had sex. She wasn’t wearing a bra. Not only the buttons were misplaced, some were just open. Her hair could be shorter than mine, but it was a mess beyond the good old bedhair. Unless alcoholic amnesia saved us, there was no way I could get out of this with Ari.
Finally, that memory took shape. The party. It all came back to me, to make things worse. What if Ari was in love with Miki-san? That would explain her outburst even better. After all, I had never asked her with all the words if my impression back at the party had been wrong. And here I was, getting it on exactly with the girl my friend loved!
Gosh, what had I done?
“Why are you looking like that?” Miki-san furrowed her brows. “She didn’t really have to see me to conclude you had sex.”
“But we could have avoided her knowing it was with you,” I explained with a more even voice, or actually absent. My mind was already somewhere else.
“And how being me changes anything?” She chuckled. “Her beef was with you, she barely acknowledged me here.”
So Miki-san didn’t know… And I couldn’t betray my friend further. I’d already spoken too much, including what I’d said earlier. Maybe Miki-san wasn’t always that observant as I’d thought.
“I’m going after her.” I got my phone and my coat. “The cab will probably not have arrived yet.”
“Better let her be for now,” Miki-san suggested. Then pointed to me. “I’m not the only one without a bra, and it’s super cold tonight. You’ll catch a cold and might not even find Ari.” She approached slowly and involved my shoulder, pulling me gently against her. Then she kissed the top of my head. “Now you reaped the bad part of this, how about enjoying the good too?”
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From Tsukishiro Kanato’s LINE Messenger
Arincho: Still up?
Arincho: Really need your extra bedroom tonight
Arincho: I’ll be honest
Arincho: Was so stressed from the rehearsal
Arincho: I called this friend from a friend
Arincho: He took me to this bar near your house
Arincho: But he sucked, he couldn’t hold his liquor, slept on his hand
Arincho: Since he was paying, I decided to keep going
Arincho: See, I’m telling you everything
Arincho: I’m sure you don’t want to know his size
Arincho: I never found out though
Arincho: I woke him up to pay the bill and left
Arincho: I’m almost at your door
Arincho: Will ring until you open
Arincho: Am ringing
Arincho: I know you’re in, I can see you moving
Arincho: I’m too bored to go home
Arincho: Ding dong
Arincho: Knock knock
Arincho: Ah! You coming
To be continued…
Anita, 06/09/2020
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