Falling
Author: Anita
Fandom: Takarazuka RPF
Characters: Tsukishiro Kanato / Akatsuki Chisei, Kazama Yuno, Umino Mitsuki
Genre: yuri, romance
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Chisei thinks she's finally found the one for her in
Kazama Yuno. Yuno, despite their year-long relationship, started
displaying worried over Chisei's tightness with Tsukishiro Kanato. But
it's normal to message one of your best friends nonstop, right? To make
it worse, the two are to spend month apart when Chisei and Yuno find a
confession Kanato wrote in the past, and Yuno is convinced Chisei was
the intended recipient. How can Chisei prove to Yuno she's imagining
things and maintain both her girlfriend and her friend who's also a girl
when it's no secret she considers Kanato the most beautiful woman ever?
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Falling
Chapter 10
Harvest Hill in Sakai called itself a green museum. Located in the Southern part of the Osaka Prefecture, it was a drive of about an hour until Ari got there with Yuno. Ari had planned to take the more urban route so they could enjoy the Osaka Bay view, but Yuno insisted that not only could get them stuck in traffic but also that she wanted to see more of the cities, so they went through the Kinki route. As they followed down the single lane, resisting the temptation to check the many sights on the way, Ari kept hidden in her bag the surprise she had brought.
“Look, the sign!” Yuno’s sudden shout almost made her hit the break with violence.
“Don’t scare me, geez…” Ari complained, pressing the pedal. Although they had come in Yuno’s car, she was the usual designated driver, a convention she had no idea of its origin. Yuno loved drives and was enjoying every meter they passed, however, in normal conditions, they’d be in a group of friends, so Ari also enjoyed the new feeling of having her girlfriend by her side this time.
“Turn left!” Yuno demanded.
“No way I’d have missed this exit, Haru.”
The small sign on the top of the road wasn’t the only hint, the road they were about to enter was called Harvest Hill and a huge brown poster with colorful letters announced the place. As they followed on, the scenery changed slightly, though Ari couldn’t point what exactly. Maybe it was just the jitters in her changing the color of the grass to something brighter.
“To the left, must be the parking lot,” Yuno continued to guide her. Had she forgotten Ari had studied the way beforehand? It was cute, nonetheless.
Therefore, she pretended to miss it.
“Hey, I said to turn left!”
Ari snickered. “I’m just joking.” She revved and finally followed the correct way. “Didn’t you see the road was blocked anyway?”
The same entrance she’d seen in their website appeared almost magically and they had arrived at their big date.
“Phew, we made it.” Anyone who heard Yuno would have thought they’d lost their way a million times or gone through storms or tornadoes. In fact, they’d made it smoothly, as small roads could be unpredictable with what could keep them behind.
Ari patted her head. “You’re safe with me.”
“I just kept thinking that maybe I’d voted for the weirdest way, and we’d completely gone off route or something.”
“Then you could have opened your phone and checked the map.” Ari looked around, the lot wasn’t as large but it was like they were on the entrance to a Disney Park from the sounds of children that got to them. She picked her own phone to check the first item on her list and calculated the time until lunch, because she was starting to feel hungry despite still being half past ten in the morning. “We arrived in a good time. Let’s line up for the tickets.”
Yuno held her wrist. “Wait, I think that should stay back.”
Confused, Ari followed what her finger pointed. “My phone?” she asked because she couldn’t find what else.
“Let’s not Instagram or follow a schedule or… you know.”
Or message Reiko, she did know. Though that was something she wouldn’t have done, not anymore. Also, Ari couldn’t see the point. “But I did make this plan for us to enjoy everything.
Yuno got closer, putting a hand on her face and using the other to caress Ari’s until she surrounded the device. “We can come back if it gets too boring. Let’s try to be just the two of us for now. You brought your camera for the photos anyway, right?”
Finally, Ari complied, watching Yuno lock both their phones inside the car. Then they got their tickets and were finally inside the said green museum.
She’d seen it in the site but forgotten the park was holding a Christmas festival. From the gate they could already see the Christmas tree and the many decorations adorning the place and giving the surrounding more special. Ari almost never walked holding Yuno’s hand for obvious reasons, but she couldn’t not do it here, letting their arms brush one another as they took in the scenery. It was finally their date date, the real thing and not just something they could squeeze in for some hours.
“Wait.” Ari let Yuno’s hand go and fumbled inside her bag. “I feel bad that you just said for it to be just the two of us and I ended up bringing this, but just listen first.”
“Huh?” Yuno tried prying inside but from her expression she still had no idea what it was until Ari pulled it out. Her eyes grew in immediate recognition.
“I think you’ve noticed I’ve been trying to use most of that stuff I kept inside my closet this last month.” Ari patted the knit cap until it didn’t look so crumpled. She had put it inside with care, but probably the camera was the culprit in moving and deforming it. “But I think this one will symbolize best what I mean by it.”
“Which means the shrine is gone?” she asked with no hints of what she’d thought.
“Definitely. I promise. I’ll eventually wear these things so much we won’t remember they’ve been Reiko-san’s. That’s why I thought it was a good idea to bring it on this date. Then there was what you mentioned before, it kinda gave me second thoughts.”
A small girl of probably three dashed between them screaming her lungs out. Her mother bowed to both in apology but had to leave because her child was still at full speed.
Ari gulped, realizing how many toddlers were around and how many arrived. She’d seen it was a place for families, but it had been an appeal at the time, that it was a place to be happy. Being in the middle of it now, holding Reiko’s hat, feeling the note inside as she pressed the fabric nervously, it all made her wish wonder how long until they got to the Arima onsens.
“I should go back and lock it in your car,” Ari said, turning her body back.
“Why waste the time?” Yuno held her by the waist and then motioned for her to turn around. “Also, I was actually feeling bad that I didn’t notice the shrine thing. I was in your house a good number of times since you’ve been back, too.”
That information was a relief to Ari, also because it showed Yuno hadn’t been checking the state of the “shrine”. She chuckled. “It’s not like you’d remember all of Reiko-san’s clothes.”
“But I should have known they weren’t yours.”
“Well, they are now,” she said it putting the cap over her head. “I should get to a bathroom to style this properly.”
“No need, I’m borrowing it.” Yuno removed it in a speedy move.
“My hair! It’s a mess now…” Ari complained, trying to assess the damage. “This was a good time to have my phone’s camera.”
But Yuno’s attention was to the floor, where a piece of paper lay.
“Oh.” Though she’d known the card Reiko had written was there, she’d been so relieved Yuno understood the gesture, it slipped her mind. “Yeah, the note. I decided to bring it too. I’m delivering it to Umino-san.
Yuno had crouched down to retrieve it but remained down there, studying Reiko’s handwriting. “Reiko-san should have it, actually.” Her eyes were out of sight, what expression could she be making? Because the tone of her voice had grown distant, almost cold.
“Won’t it be cute to see Umi-san’s reaction? I thought of saying, ‘Look how sweet, your girlfriend did this for you years ago!’ She’ll understand when I tell her I didn’t find the note until now.”
A family of four walked by them and the youngest asked, “What is the oniisan doing?” The parents laughed it off but hurried their offspring away.
Standing up, Yuno still gazed at the card before giving it back to Ari. “You’re right, your hair is all over the place.” She passed her hand several times over Ari’s head brushing her hair with her fingers. Each touch sent chills to her feet and made her stomach turn.
“Was it that bad?” Ari managed to ask through her burning face.
“Of course not, but it’s perfect now.” Yuno smiled gently, but her cheeks also seemed to blush. “Let’s go take a picture by the tree?” She put on the knit cap and directed herself there, enveloping Ari’s hand with hers and walked them to the big Christmas tree.
There was a queue to pose in front of it. For the first time, Ari saw a couple like them, but the others were all parents with young children who were not cooperative about waiting. One boy behind them threw himself to the ground and screamed at the top of his lungs that he wanted to go to the ropes. Ari smiled, thinking that maybe that could be their next destination after the photo. She’d read there were two levels, but because even infants could take part, she was considering taking the advanced course, the price different wasn’t much either. Maybe they’d even adventure into the high jump? Should they just go and do the full course? That was probably too much; they should enjoy all the rest, instead of spending all their time in just one attraction.
“Will we go on the horseback ride too, Haru?”
Looking like she’d received the message in delay, Yuno stared back blankly for a while and gave a noncommittal head tilt, nodding for them to advance in the line.
Ari smiled at her aloofness and grabbed a part of her sleeve, playing with it right and left. “I asked about the horses. I actually booked a couple of activities the other day.” The knit cap went perfect with Yuno’s outfit, although it was black so it would hardly not work. Still, was it awkward to think she looked cute and hot wearing it?
“Let’s go,” Yuno prompted her with her finger pointing to the now unobstructed way to the tree. “Get the camera.”
“Oh yeah, right.”
While Ari complied, Yuno asked the next on the line to take their picture. It was the couple with the now pacified boy who wanted to go to the ropes. The man accepted the camera at once, but the woman stared for longer, lips tight together.
“I think she knows us,” Ari whispered.
Yuno shrugged and enlaced Ari’s body pulling her closer with her hand on her arm, right below her shoulder. As soon as they heard the first click, she undid the pose and thanked the man, recovering Ari’s camera.
“Maybe we should be more careful… for some reason, I forgot we’re still close to Takarazuka. This is such a surreal place, my mind was thinking we’d left our world.” Ari laughed as they moved to a corner still in the entrance hall. “So, at the risk of sounding like the kid, what do you think of the ropes now, before we have lunch?”
“You really made all these plans…” Yuno gave a weak smile and raised her stare to find Ari’s eyes.
“Of…of course,” she stammered. Yuno’s eyes glistened with intensity on her. That also made Ari realize how close she stood and blush despite everything. “This will be the perfect date, trust me! As long as I don’t forget the items on my list. When I was calculating, I noticed a day might not be enough for all the fun stuff, can you believe it? There’s a lot, really. But I also want us to take our time and enjoy.”
Yuno nodded and put a hand on Ari’s cheek. “Thank you for that. I feel bad for all the time you spent.”
As much as they were in a corner and people were now just moving past as though they couldn’t see the two, they shouldn’t act intimate like that there. And yet, Ari also didn’t want to lose that moment. Yuno’s tone of voice, movements, they all transpired solemnity. After taking a deep breath, Ari said, “I do love you and I also love us. I love this!” She motioned for them and the whole place.
“I know,” Yuno replied without missing a beat, which was a surprise considering the latest months. Then she cast a glance downward and took a deep breath. “I love you so much, Ari.”
Ari was about to hug her and maybe even steal a quick peck on the lips using something to cover them when she realized that tone preceded something. “But…” she asked with a burn increasing in her stomach. What had she missed?
“But I should have loved you more… or better.”
“That makes no sense, Haru.” She pinched Yuno’s cheek, praying for it to be but a silly fear. “You’re the best thing in my life. Not that you’re a thing, but you got it.”
But Yuno didn’t react to the jokes, save for staring with even more strength. “Will you answer me something with all honesty?”
Ari had always prided herself in living her life honestly. It was bad when at least two of her best friends had implored for similar requests in the past weeks. But she’d fixed everything, her life was back on track. And she’d started from Yuno. This time, she had no idea what was going on, had nothing to hide from her girlfriend, so she agreed. “Go ahead.”
“Did you tell Reiko that you’re in love with her?”
It hadn’t been such a long time that Yuno had made that a condition for their relationship to go on. Nevertheless, Ari had forgotten about that lie. A cold wave swept throughout her body and a clammy sensation that followed. She couldn’t breathe for a moment, her sight darkened. She had forgotten she had lied.
Yuno closed her eyes and lowered her head. Then she looked in Ari’s eyes again and said, “How did I not suspect it? Was I trying not to? Because when you refused to give Reiko that note, it hit me. Things weren’t clear between you two. Because you hadn’t done what I asked.” She took a moment. “When I realized it, I actually tried to pretend I didn’t know. I considered just never asking you.”
The expression ‘reasonable doubt’ came to Ari as a déjà vu; she didn’t know what else she had called that, but she felt she had.
“Ari…” Yuno’s voice sounded like a hurt animal’s whimper as her lips quivered.
‘It’s not what you’re thinking’ wasn’t the best way to explain what Ari had done, but the cliché almost escaped her. “Reiko-san… That night, Reiko-san…” she could barely put a sentence together, because the call replayed in her head. It was funny how she’d forgotten about the lie but could recite word by word of that call. “Reiko-san said she loves Umi-san, that they were together, that they were great. She said, ‘Yes, she makes me very happy. I’d trust her with my life.’ She’s even told Umi-san about our kiss.” Ari realized she had started crying somewhere along the retelling and did her best to clean her face. “There was no reason to tell her. I’d be the worst person if I had, coming between their happiness.”
“I was so nervous in the kitchen while you talked with her that I never thought to listen in, not even when you resisted my request to confess to her. I was sure Reiko would reciprocate and what would I do then? Would you just leave the house and run happily to the love of your life? I felt as if in some old period drama when a character has to drink poison.”
“Haru, you understand, right? Reiko-san had already rejected without my needing to screw up even more our friendship.” Ari stretched her hands to hold Yuno’s shoulders, but she deflected.
“You’re an idiot, that’s what.” Yuno was smiling but it just made Ari feel sadder. The lie had made it much worse than any prediction could have calculated. Yuno continued, “And I’ve been using that to keep you to me. I keep asking myself if, deep down, I already knew you’d lied, and the more I do the surer I am sure that I knew it indeed.”
“I… want… Please, tell me what to do, Haru. I hadn’t realized how bad it was to lie to you until now, I’m so sorry… But I never lied when I said that I love you. I love you so much!”
Yuno didn’t seem to be there. She was lost in her thoughts and would sometimes shake her head.
“Haru? Please… Let’s enjoy the day. It’s our date!”
That attracted her attention. Yuno looked around, as if surprised to be where they were. “I…” she started saying but went mute once more. Her eyes went back to Ari. Without averting them, she held Ari’s hands in hers. “I also love you. I love you a lot. And today I noticed that maybe I’ve never loved anyone this honestly before today, before right now.” She let go of her hands. “That’s why we’re over.”
Before Ari could even register the words, Yuno turned on her heels and disappeared. She’d probably just walked through the exit of the park, but Ari again couldn’t register it quickly enough for the movement to make sense. Nothing made sense. Yuno had ended their relationship after saying she loved her. After saying it was because she loved her.
The entrance hall had been so noisy when they’d arrived and now it was silent. Frozen. It was all over.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
“Are you feeling well, Madam?”
Ari felt the pain of going back to her body, her reality as the person insisted on talking to her. “Madam, do you need any assist?” It was a woman in uniform, she couldn’t tell if she was part of the park’s security team or just the regular staff. “Madam, do you understand what I am saying?” now she tried speaking slower, opening more her mouth, because she thought Ari could be either deaf or a foreigner.
She needed to come up with some answer before this escalated. First, she could only nod, though her stiff neck moving caused a pain wave in her body. “Yes,” she said sluggishly, as though her tongue were numb. “I’m fine, yes,” she managed to state it more firmly.
Finally, the staff lady showed a smile of approval. “I noticed you’ve been in this spot for a long time without a cell phone. Are you waiting for someone?”
Phone… right, her phone wasn’t in her bag, but locked inside Yuno’s car. Probably reaching Takarazuka any time now. How long was she there? “Yeah, actually yes.” It made more sense to go with the scenario almost given to her in a present box than to say she just didn’t know what to do anymore now that Yuno broke up with her. It would so pathetic… She was dumped because she wouldn’t confess to another girl?
“Do you need to use a phone? Unfortunately, by the rules of our company, we can’t carry anything but our radio for communication, but I can direct you to a pay phone.”
Who knew anyone’s number by heart in this era? Surely, her house’s in Hiroshima, her own number as well, but she’d rather go back on foot than facing Yuno before she could sort stuff out in her head. That was probably it. Also, some landline numbers from her pre-teen days, before being allowed a personal phone. That last thought made her chuckle. “No, sorry, I wouldn’t know the number.”
The lady was maybe her age or just a few years more and looked resolute to help Ari in some way, so that answer didn’t appease her.
Before she offered anything else, Ari decided to continue in the actor mode. “It’s my date, you see. They’re a little late and it’s making me pissed. That’s why, even if I knew their number, I wouldn’t call. It’s their last chance, if they don’t show, I’m leaving and will never want to hear from them again.”
The lady took a step back but as she took in the words, her lips curved in a larger smile. “That’s how it is! I hope I can be like that, too. I mean, Madam.” She bowed but was unable to contain the smile.
Ari let out a breath watching the lady retreat to the other side of the entrance area. She could finally leave the character. But she was the same, she wished she could be like that.
Now she’d come out of the stupor, her legs complained the time she’d been standing in the same position. She shook them with vigor and studied her surroundings, looking for the bathroom. There surely been one nearby; she’d planned to take Yuno there when the one in a breakdown hadn’t been Ari herself. There it was, just a couple of meters. Walking literally hurt the plant of her feet, her calves, even the way her knees bend felt unnatural during the first steps. But she forgot all of it upon meeting her face in the mirror. Was that really her? It looked horrendous. No wonder that lady had insisted so much to help. Her eyeline had survived the tears (and the rubbing them during ang afterward), but her eyes were red and swollen. Yuno said she had fixed her hair, but she’d never know if that was true, for a twister had passed there and it was all over the place. It would have looked tidier if she’d slept on it and then used a towel to mess it up more. Luckily, she’d come prepared for the many activities and there was enough in her bag to make her look human again. With more luck, the swell would be gone once she was finished reapplying her makeup and styling her hair. She wanted that lady to really think Ari was meeting a date and not coming back from the war trenches.
As she grew more satisfied with her mirror self, a loud noise resounded from inside her. Maybe because she felt calmer, her body had returned to its routine and demanded food. Unable to tell what time it was without the clock in her phone, Ari just guesses it was close or just past midday. A flashback of what never happened crossed her mind then, she and Yuno would be in the curry dumpling crafting experience. She’d also imagined trying the ropes before lunch, to make sure they wouldn’t feel sick and could try all the food offered. They could of course move on to lunch now and then go to the archery or even the horses. Being on one of the small trains would also have been nice, just the two feeling the breeze and watching the park go by...
Her legs trembled and almost gave in, but two women of student age came inside conversing excitedly about the capybaras. The distraction was perfect to recover control of herself. She greeted the two, reorganized her products inside the bag and left the bathroom. People went by discussing their next activity or the one they’d just done, only some parents looked like they’d rather just die and be sparred of the misery. The sky was clear, the sun was bright and warm enough to make one forget it was already December. She hadn’t even realized it was such a good day to be out because she’d been too eager during the entire ride there; and after they’d arrived, who would care for the weather? Now it was just a waste. She wished a typhoon suddenly arrived and turned everything upside down.
Suddenly, she remembered the knit cap. Yuno had left still wearing it. Would she throw it out the window when she realized the mistake? Would it be a relief for the note to just vanish in the Osaka Bay? But another flash of memory came to Ari, and she opened her bag another time. She’d seen it just now in the bathroom. Yes, there it was inside the bag. She stared at the card and found Reiko’s confession. No magic had changed it, and no luck had made it go away with the cap. It felt even heavier after what Yuno had said. She couldn’t hand it back to Reiko because nothing was solved yet. And it was the truth. Just knowing Reiko loved and had loved a girl all those years didn’t magically erase Ari’s feelings. And what if Reiko decided to explain the lovely story that culminated in her being with Umino? Ari would hear it one day, but the note carried a heavy, bitter responsibility now thanks to Yuno.
“Let’s focus.” She looked at the park again. People still took pictures with the Christmas tree, and the line had increased instead. A group of teenagers walked by eating a giant churro each. One kid was quite loud about wanting to take more pictures with the pets dressed as Santas. She’d been looking forward to all of this. Still, being alone only hurt her more. Her stomach moved in an uncomfortable manner. “Okay, let’s eat,” she spoke to herself to be louder than the thoughts haunting her.
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