[Takarazuka] Giving It a Clean Closure, written by Anita

Giving It a Clean Closure
Author: Anita
Fandom: Takarazuka Kagekidan
Characters: Sou Kazuho / Ranju Tomu
Genre: Yuri, romance
Rating: PG-13
Status: complete
Summary: After the uneasiness it was to work under Tomu, Kazuho’s moment to shine had come as she stood on top of the grand stairs, showing her own Top Star feathers to her classmate for the first time. Then why did Tomu cover her face!? Kazuho can’t forgive that.
Warnings: none.
Notes: Story written for the Secret Coconut, a fic exchange promoted by the community Saint Seiya Super Fics Journal.


Disclaimer: I don’t own any rights on Takarazuka Kagekidan and the stories portrayed here are fictional.

Giving It a Clean Closure

  Boasting with pride, aware that it was her moment to shine. That was how resplendent Eritan shone before Mayu. After all, there had been no reason to worry indeed. Her friend had been right. Even though she had been moved to another troupe, one so different from Hanagumi, she had really made it happen. There she was, on the top of the grand stairs, flashing a wide smile, sparkling and shaking the feathers on her back. The symbol of a true top star. The most beautiful top star of them all.

  So no one could notice the tears that overflew from her face at that very moment, Mayu lowered her head and covered her face with her hands. She needed to keep focus. Yet, her mind was as if floating, so light it felt. This was too surreal. The scenario around her didn’t feel true anymore, as hard as she tried to suppress her emotions and urge to cry. Such a crybaby she was... It only took one flash of Eritan’s triumphant figure for her to spill it all out in front of everyone. But that woman really looked wonderful. Mayu felt so glad. Finally, her time had come. Finally!

  “Just look at me!”

  As soon as she heard this voice coming from right in front of her, Mayu’s hands were promptly pulled out from her face. Her vision was blurred from the tears, and her eyes stung slightly from the sudden brightness, as she was forced to look at the person.

  Standing right there was Eritan. Who was supposed to be on stage as the music from the finale went on streaming. So the individual looking so aggravated at her had to be just some emotional breakdown.

  The anger flaring on the other woman’s complexion didn’t extinguish but a smile was formed, surrounding her face like a frame. Such was the moment their eyes met.

  “That’s it,” Eritan said with self-contentment, as she resumed her dancing and singing, striding back to the stage.

  The spectators started applauding just as if Eritan’s interruption had been part of the show, a tribute to her classmate. In return, Mayu sat dumbfounded, unable to decide on a way to react.

  She felt bewildered by the lights coming from the stage, as her sight wasn’t fully recovered yet from the tears. Her heart seemed to have stopped. In her field of vision, there was solely the Top Star at that moment.

---

  It was impossible not to feel satisfied after what she had done. More than ever, Eriko had longed to prove that she was now on equal terms with Mayu, the same woman who had always seemed to be flying ahead of her ever since day zero. Flying was a good word for that woman. She really seemed like a being from another dimension. Even better, that she still lived there. After all, Mayu was a failure at noticing any mean intentions or words directed at her, and Eriko had always been a master at throwing them without really intending.

  Perhaps, she would understand better the other’s world now she was standing on the top and had no worries about running after anyone else. That had been her hope. And right when she was finally showing to be on equal levels, what had Mayu done? Covered her eyes. She had freaking covered her whole face the moment Eriko had needed the most for her to be there with her. By her side, for a change.

  Why was she always like that? Eriko had had a hard time trying to define a kind for their relationship. At times, Mayu would be like a younger sister, so klutzy she acted; at other times, she behaved like her mother complimenting her; then she would be her best friend and engage in long chats about nothing in special. Surely, there had been many moments when they felt like rivals, although the other woman had never acknowledged any conflict. It was as if it were impossible for her to believe anyone would want to compete with her.

  She sighed, while cleaning the last of her makeup. After a long shower, she had started to feel a little empty. This was her top star debut, her solo debut from Mayu. And after what Eriko had done, so infuriated by the other’s behavior, her good friend would probably not come to greet her directly. Whatever had gone through Mayu’s mind as Eriko pulled her hands from her face, it wouldn’t result in a positive advance for their failed relationship.

  But really, what was she thinking, crying like that? Not even her mother had cried like that, why would a classmate? Only Mayu could pull that one off... Eriko let out a smile.

  “Erita~n!”

  She jumped at the sound of that voice.

  What? She had come? Why? Bewildered, Eriko watched as Mayu came in followed by Ranno Hana and Yuuma Rin. It was hard to follow the conversation, as she watched her now fellow top star.

  What was Mayu really feeling? Eriko really urged to know what could be concealed behind the beautiful words she always had ready to pour out from the tip of her tongue.

---

  After talking to the people she knew from other times – though many of the girls she knew in Yukigumi were now in the other musical, – Mayu decided to return to the hotel alone. She would have to leave first thing in the morning for she was in the middle of her own show. It was still nice to remain in Nagoya for a while, and rest from all of the stress the last months had caused.

  Footsteps brought her back, sounding as if someone rushed in her direction. In reflex, she turned back to find Eritan. The other woman stopped just a few steps away and threw an envelope at her.

  Frowning, Mayu held the paper but there was no need to examine the content.

  “I just did the math. That should be enough to pay for the train and the ticket,” she spoke quickly.

  “What do you mean?” Mayu looked again at the envelope, a Hankyu Railways logo was on it but she couldn’t find anything written.

  “My fans seemed to have enjoyed your presence. I’m grateful.” She bowed very discreetly but never hid her ever present smug smile from the lips. “But I want to owe nothing to you at this moment. We’re the same now.”

  “I don’t understand. I’m your fan, Eritan, I didn’t come for what others might think.”

  “I don’t have to stand that condescendence of yours anymore. You know, it is not because they decided to invest more on you, or because you had higher grades that you are above me.”

  “Of course!” Taking a step back, Mayu continued: “You’re much better than me on many things. I admire you a lot.”

  “Do you? Because today you behaved like the doting father of a troublesome youngest daughter. It’s incredible how you never notice a thing, and how hard it is to know what’s on your mind. For heaven’s sake, I’m even older than you!”

  “Eritan, I’m sorry if I was disrespectful. I never thought...”

  However, the other woman interrupted her before she could even find the right words.

  “You never think. You’re always taking care of your troupe, I know. You’re always there for anyone. At the same time, however, you act just like you bring no impact to other people’s lives.”

  “Of course I care about how I act with others. Of course I know just how hard it must have been for you to accept me being back and above you. Don’t ever think I never tried to be on your shoes. Geez, I know how it is to hear people gossiping everywhere you are next only to be passed over, or that you should just give up and retire. Even if you don’t want to expect, it’s inevitable. To top it off, it was me, your classmate.”

  “If that small head of yours could go this far, now tell me: why do you think I stayed in Hana?”

  Taken aback, Mayu tilted her head slightly.

  She didn’t want to argue with her dearest friend. She had always avoided this topic, always. Why now of all times, when it all had seemed to be put behind, that she had to bring it back? For more than a year, they had averted their eyes from the dead horse on the table. Why did it have to be like this now it turned out it wasn’t even dead?

  She didn’t want the answer. Now, she was the one who didn’t want to be in Nagoya. Please, Eritan, she supplicated inside her mind.

  “I...” Mayu mumbled, looking around them. No one would come? Nothing would interrupt them?

  “I can’t really understand what goes through your mind,” Eritan said. “It’s difficult to even make theories. So, tell me once and for all. What did you really think at that time? What do you think now? No fancy words, please.”

  The envelope in Mayu’s hands started shaking, as she stood unable to look up to answer the other woman. She didn’t want to know, really. She preferred never to hear what Eritan really felt.

  “Well, I have to do a demachi now,” the woman finally said. “Go on being in your own world, Mayu. Go on closing your eyes, turning you gaze away from what you make others feel. Just don’t return the money. This is the end, I have a lot to do now and I’m already quite tired from this situation of ours. There is nothing anymore that is on the way for you to tell what the hell you really feel toward me, and yet you choose to ignore my question. We two don’t really need to deal with it. And I have to attend my demachi; excuse me.”

  Mayu closed her fists tightly.

  She had always thought that, as long as they didn’t go there, everything could be alright. So why wasn’t it? Why was Eritan going away, telling her not to meet again? Everything was supposed to be solved now, all of the anger Eritan might feel toward her had no reason to be. And yet... Mayu had failed to face the issue the way the other wanted. Thus, the result was the very same one she had dreaded.

  Her dearest friend was going out of her sight.

---

  Her heart was beating so fast, it felt difficult to breathe as she walked away from Mayu. Eriko’s back was as if in flames, so much it stung to keep it directed at the other woman. And did Eriko really think it would have been any different? She had always gone on avoiding that topic, with almost the very same effort the other so patently did, and it hadn’t been for no reason. She knew the moment she confronted Mayu, it would be a road with no return.

  Maybe she should have said more. Maybe she should turn back and say it. It was her character after all, say it straight to one’s face.

  That hadn’t been a clean closure. She had still tried to grab onto some hope she could get over her feelings one day and not need to avoid the other woman anymore. The day it no longer mattered what the other felt. Would it ever come now she didn’t have to be constantly reminded of that pain? Now she could make her life apart from the other’s? After all, that was what she had decided. If Mayu couldn’t say anything to make her feel better, tell her she had been misunderstanding it all along... Then it would be best to assume the worse and simply go with her head up high.

  But this feeling still wasn’t that of a clean breakup. Mayu didn’t need to know them. They would nothing but a burden. It was egotistical, but there were still too many words unsaid. Eritan knew she needed to go back and say them. In the name of her feelings, of how dear she held Mayu, however, she trod forward. She had been selfish enough already. That would have to do.

“I didn’t want you to hate me even more!” The voice coming from behind echoed from the small hallway that led to the theater’s exit, where Mayu had been left.

  But it couldn’t be her. Even if she were the last person there, she couldn’t have followed Eriko after all that. A ghost, it had to be a ghost. What other reasonable explanation would there be?

  “And I think I did the very opposite...” the voice continued, sound more and more like Mayu’s and getting closer with each step. “The truth is that I always knew how you felt but I didn't want to either confirm it or worsen it.”

  Turning to the woman, Eriko barely had voice to whisper through her dried throat:

  “I’ve never hated you.”

  “Are you sure? Because you’ve just told me to never show up in front of you anymore.” Mayu displayed a bitter smile, looking down to her left.

  To this, Eriko chuckled lightly but not less bitterly than the other. Something was breaking inside her. This was it? All along, the other woman had been guarding herself because she thought to be hated? Was that why Eriko felt her so distant?

  And now, Mayuseemed to be about to have a breakdown in front of her, as her hands shook violently, unable to disguise it just holding onto one another. It wasn’t the best time to throw her own feelings onto her, not when she had finally been so honest. But what other answer could she give without lying?

  Before being able to reach a conclusion, Eriko noticed the other was starting to move away. Mayu had contracted her body and lowered her shoulders. She was about to leave. Instead of a clean closure, instead of some words just being left unsaid, the situation had only got worse now.

  “And you didn’t listen to the rest? You’re really too oblivious to how you make others feel, Mayu,” Eriko finally managed to say, rushing every word before it was too late and, mostly, before her mind filtered them.

  When the other woman looked up in confusion, Eriko clicked her tongue and approached her. Holding Mayu’s head with one hand, she used all of her strength to press their lips together.

  And the feeling it stirred inside her body was a gazillion times more fantastic than what she would ever feel on stage. She couldn’t control herself any longer, brushing her skin against Mayu’s, pushing her tongue between the other’s lips. She roamed through her mouth, and held her waist as tight as possible, rummaging for any path so to increase their skin contact.

  When Mayu finally started to react, it was like a bell had been rung right next to Eriko’s eardrum.

  She had intended to just be sincere in return. And to correct that long-overdue misunderstanding. Not to assault the woman!

  Parting the kiss, Eriko didn’t even try to take time and recover her breath. She needed to regain control of the situation and of her own hands. Quickly, she forced amusement and said:

  “Now you know what I really feel, as well. We’re back to where we were before for now.” Before leaving, she still faced the woman, who was clearly lost in astonishment, and added: “I’ll run away now before you recover from my attack but I suggest you stay away from mixing yourself up with my fans again. Else, I’ll assume it the most convenient way for me.”

  Finally, she left Mayu as fast as she could, in spite of her own trembling limbs.

---

  This time, she had really done it. Really, all hail to Eriko. Mayu would never show to her face again. Ever. She didn’t want that anymore, it was too painful. Maybe it would eventually get better but now, all she wanted was to rewind and redo.

  At least, it was about that unmindful woman.

  Eriko continued to collect postcards and gifts from her fans while in deep thought. She was calculating how long she would have to wait before contacting Mayu again. Being her, there was still a chance of forgiveness. Yes, she could send a message to her out of nowhere one day. And they would resume their friendship. It wasn’t like she had said she loved her or anything. Let Mayu assume it was just Eriko’s pride speaking too loud, trying to have the last word.

  Argh, and where did the clean closure go in all of this? Couldn’t she just be satisfied now that it was over?

  No. Not after tasting those lips; after feeling her warmth, the texture of her skin, the aroma of her hair. It was still Mayu’s fault. Hadn’t she cried during the finale, perhaps Eriko would still believe she could make their relationship work. That their ever-present distance could be closed now they were equals. But the moment she had covered her eyes and acted like that... however she had intended to act, the doubt she had always made Eriko feel came back at full force. The time apart had changed nothing but to multiply her longing for Mayu to be right by her side.

  And now she even knew that the woman had never harbored any bad feelings. On the contrary: that distance had just been her trying not to upset Eriko.

  Dispirited at her situation, Eriko tried to pull the flower her fans offered but the other person wouldn’t let go. She tried once more, cursing her fan for not loosening her hold on the gift. Was it just her being too out of it? Under her breath, she decided to try one last time. If it didn’t work, the fan would have to go home with that damned flower.

  By the time she had noticed it was ironically an orchid, the person called out:

  “You should look more attentively at your fans, Eritan.”

  Eriko’s nostrils flared as she rebuked:

  “What the hell are you doing out here? Haven’t I just told you that...” But she stopped in the middle of her tantrum upon noticing a circle had been formed around the two, and too many eyes stared in expectation. She looked back at Mayu, expecting the other to have already understood what she had been about to say.

  However, the woman shook her shoulders just as unable to speak. This was the last straw to Eriko’s self control. She promptly grabbed Mayu by the wrist and pulled her steadfastly.

  “I told you before, you were asking for this.” She started to drag the woman out of the circle but the other resisted.

  “You need to greet them properly, Eritan,” Mayu said, with a playful smile on her face.

  What the hell was up with that tone? Payback? She knew Eriko couldn’t do anything being surrounded by so many, so she had come. That was it! Then, the game was on.

  Using all of the patience she had never thought to have, Eriko said goodbye to everyone and finished collecting each of the gifts. After that, she handed everything to one of the women who assisted her in every demachi, never letting go of the grip on Mayu’s thin wrist.

  As soon as she walked away from the demachi spot, Eriko told the women helping her to go ahead, that she would go to the hotel later on my own. Then, she eagerly watched their retreating figures, increasing her hold on Mayu. Finally, she could take her somewhere more private.

 Ascertaining they were really alone, she turned to her with full intent on making a scene but, looking unmoved by her anger, the other woman started to speak first:

  “Everything was so complicated back in Hanagumi, Eritan... How could I be clear about my feelings?”

  “Wait, are you really going to resume the conversation as if nothing happened?”

  “The same way you left as if nothing happened.”

  “Either way, you speak as if I had any idea about your feelings.”

  It had been just a sentence so Eriko could say anything but Mayu broke into a laugh much to her dismay.

  “I’m not the only one oblivious to others, after all,” she said, turning her gaze look intently into Eriko’s eyes. Then, she continued: “To think you were the one who told me to mix up with your fans or something along the line.” She raised an eyebrow that made her stomach turn. “Didn’t you?”

  “Wait there!” Escaping from the spell that the other seemed to be working on her, Eriko pulled two steps away and raised a hand whilst shaking her head in disapproval. “It was the extreme opposite, Mayu. I told you that if I found you in the middle of fans again, I would as...” Her voice broke upon realization that the other’s grin had never faded off. Instead, it now grew wider with the silence that had fallen.

  Finally, Mayu started laughing at her as Eriko knew her face was blushing intensely. She didn’t know exactly if it was more due to the humiliation of being on the other side of the joke or due to not having a sheer idea of what to do now the woman’s feelings had been made that clear.

  Not inclined to waiting for a proper reaction, Mayu approached all of the steps taken back and a few more until they were just too close for them to remember how to breathe.

  To think that Eriko had been complaining all along about Mayu never showing her true feelings, when she herself had been partially to blame. Only partially. Not that she would really admit to it.

  As their distance had finally been closed, the two melted into a deep and tender kiss.

THE END!

Anita, 08/05/2013

Author’s Notes:

As always, I need to thank GoodOldBadMood for the prompt. This was based on an interview Eritan has given to NHK, actually. I hope you enjoyed the fanfic twist we’ve given it! And don’t forget to comment, please! I don’t mind anonymous comments, if you’re too shy. ;) I do mind flames, even if they’re signed, lol.