Author: Vane
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Petunia Evans Dursley, OC, Lily Evans. Mentions of Vernon Dursley, Dudley Dursley, Mr and Mrs Evans and others.
Genre: Gen, fantasy, drama, family, background het.
Rating: PG
Summary: Petunia believes she's got good enough reasons to view herself as the victim of a continuous theft. That's why she turns into a thieve herself.
Notes: Story written for the Secret Coconut, a fanfic exchange promoted by the community Saint Seiya Superfics Journal.
Disclaimer: "Harry Potter" belongs to J.K. Rowling and her legal licensees.
So, I'm writing for you again, Ayla. Sorry about that! I swear that I'm not inflicting another fic of mine upon you because of some supposed secret hatred. I'm just a well-meaning pinch-hitter this time. ^^UUU
Out of your prompts, there were five I could use. It wasn't easy to make a choice, but in the end Petunia defeated all of her oponents. I only hope that this fic is Petunia-centric enough to please you, despite the storytelling method I've employed. :-)
This story doesn't take into account the Pottermore version for the Dursleys' backstory. While I've certainly got nothing against Rowling's new project, I'd rather wait and see how it develops before I start basing any of my fics on it. So, this story is based solely on what I could remember from book canon.
Many thanks to my beta Anita! All remaining mistakes are mine.
LET ME SHINE FOR YOU, PETUNIA
by Vane
for Ayla Pascal
Story written for the Secret Coconut, a fanfic exchange promoted by the community Saint Seiya Superfics Journal.
Lily shouldn't have stolen me from Severus. I could have been very useful to him. If I had spent enough time with her, I might have been able to make her realise her mistake and return me to her friend. Alas, I don't think that will happen anymore: Petunia is my new owner, and doesn't seem inclined to give me back to Lily.
I know Lily was too worried because she's found out I've been imported to Britain by Evan. To her, this can only mean that I must be harmful, even if she has no idea what I am. Nor did Evan, or even Severus, as a matter of fact. She was right to assume that Evan purchased me and asked Severus to study me because he thought I could help them practice what they call "dark magic," whatever that means. In spite of my ability to change my colour, I still think that magic itself is always colourless. However, Lily was and still is wrong to think that I'm dangerous. I'm not.
She's now desperate to find me again. I can feel the tracking spells that she's been casting all over the house. Poor thing. She doesn't know that I've been made to resist to that kind of spell. I simply can't respond to her magical calling, although I'd like to. All I can do is belong to whoever takes and keeps me. This now means Petunia.
I met my new owner during Lily's holidays, which she spent with her Muggle family. She and their mother went out together and didn't insist that Petunia go with them. Lily didn't lock her bedroom's door. If I were her, I'd have used both magic and Muggle devices to protect my belongings. Not that I've got any. But humans do, and they should be more careful and less trusting. Even Severus has disappointed me in this regard. I thought him to be a careful boy. However, not only did he fall into Lily's trick, but he also refused to believe that she could have taken anything away from him. I can understand that it would have been terribly rude to demand that she opened her bag for him to see whether she had hidden me inside, but still, he should have found her attitude suspicious at the very least. She was nervous. She's not used to being dishonest.
Petunia is different. She can and will be dishonest if given enough reasons. Unlike Lily, she doesn't feel bad for having stolen me. I'm still getting acquainted with her, but from what I could gather, she owed it to herself for making her sister go through some sort of loss. She's not a thief; she's turned into one because she had to. Lily's got everything: beauty, magic, constant appraisal and their parents' preference. Why couldn't Petunia have me as compensation? I'm so tiny anyway.
I felt sorry for Lily while she asked Petunia whether she had seen somewhere "a small, light-weight yellow sphere that looks as if it's glass-made." Of course she'd never get an honest response, no matter how many times she repeated that I could be dangerous. Her older sister didn't care. For her, I don't look threatening at all. I'm flattered that she can see me for what I actually am. Shame on you, witches and wizards! A Muggle teenager proved much wiser than you.
Until now, she's only seen me turn light orange. That was my reaction when she stole me from Lily, and when she lied about having never seen any object like me. I've already got back to my original colour though. She wouldn't be able to understand my message, so there was no point in insisting. With time, she'll learn to decipher my hints.
I can hardly wait to show Petunia what I can do for her. I can feel her potential.
It's a shame that Lily had to go back to Hogwarts. Now that she's gone, she's taken my most vivid colours away with her. She seems to be always taking things away from others, doesn't she? Not that her intentions are bad. Anyway, she doesn't know that I can only work at my strongest in the presence of a witch or wizard. Had she known this, maybe she wouldn't be so worried over the fact that she's "lost" me (she doesn't know that Petunia has stolen me from her).
When surrounded only by Muggles, I simply cannot display vivid colours. No matter how hard I try, I always look somewhat dull and opaque. It's also harder to shine. Not too much harder; it just requires some more effort on my part. Luckily, in this house, there are many objects that either belong to Lily or have been touched by her for long enough that I can try to draw some residual magic from them. As I'm in the initial stages of my relationship with Petunia, I'm going to need all the magic I can gather if I am to impress her. I'm afraid that she'll just forget about me if I fail to catch her attention.
So far, I think I've been rather successful. She did notice that my colour doesn't look quite the same anymore. She's even suspected that it may have something to do with Lily's absence. She's not stupid. It's a shame that her own parents won't realise this. They should offer her a bit more than the occasional, out-of-parental-obligation compliment. I'd give them some hints if I could, but they've never seen me. Petunia keeps me safe here in this drawer.
Well, it's not my job to give her parents anything anyway. She's the one I must take care of.
It would be great if I could find a way to stop Petunia from using me to turn her parents against Lily.
Since her sister left for Hogwarts a couple of weeks ago, there hasn't been a single dinner when she missed the chance to drop snide remarks about wizards in general. This, as I've learnt, is part of her long-running, and not quite successful, project to manipulate her parents into thinking low of all things magic.
Drawing the family's attention to Lily's every mistake is one of her recurring tactics. These days, she's been stressing how careless Lily has been for having "lost" what is probably a very dangerous device that might put the whole family at risk (I'm not dangerous, damn it!). She's even got the nerve to ask from time to time whether her father and mother had found me.
When she returns to this bedroom and takes me out of this drawer, all I can do is to turn orange. She stares at me and doesn't understand why I can't keep myself yellow all the time. If only I could talk to her!... Alas, this is impossible for me. If I could talk, I'd put such skill to better use than most humans I've met, Petunia included.
Not that she always makes bad use of her words. Yesterday, she offered some comforting words to Yvonne, a friend of hers who's also got her share of family issues. At that moment, I could feel that she sincerely cared for her friend. Even though she couldn't help but also think of her own frustrations, while Yvonne vented and cried, every single supportive word that Petunia uttered was genuine.
This is why I finally managed to colour myself red and shine for her for the first time.
Petunia found this new change scary. She didn't even want to touch me at first, because she thought I would burn her skin. But, as I captured the totality of her thoughts and made her feel more and more relaxed, she forgot her fears. Eventually, she held me in her hands for several minutes, as usual.
Putting all modesty aside, I should say that very few things in this world can make humans experience the same kind of well-being I can give them. What I did for Petunia yesterday was only the beginning. It can - and hopefully will - happen again. The frequency only depends on her acts.
I wonder how long it'll take her to learn what she's got to do to get the rewards I can grant her.
Isn't it annoying when you give someone the best birthday gift you can, and yet they don't even try to disguise the fact they didn't like it?
Today, Petunia celebrated her nineteenth birthday. Therefore, I started displaying this thin blue line around myself since the first hours in the morning. It is meant to intensify the sensations I make her experience when I reward her. But has she let me show her how particularly useful I could have been today? Of course not!
I stayed here in this dark drawer the whole day, patiently waiting for her to get back home. She spent the day out with friends and that fiancé of hers, Vernon. I don't really approve this relationship. That bloke is self-centred, unimaginative, prejudiced and pretentious. He's mediocre at best, and takes pride in it. Why don't her parents encourage her to look for someone better? Why haven't they taught her to enjoy being on her own?
I enjoy being on my own. But I won't lie: I could hardly wait to see Petunia today. When she finally entered the bedroom, I felt like opening the drawer myself and rolling towards her. Alas, I lack the power to do such things. So, I still had to wait for quite a while until she remembered my existence and decided to take a look at me. Had I known she'd panic at the sight of my gift, I... well, I wouldn't have been able to hide from her until tomorrow, since I can't move on my own. But, at least, I wouldn't have spent so many hours deluding myself into thinking that my good intentions would be recognised.
Not that I'd have been able to do her much good anyway. Just because today it's her birthday, it doesn't mean she's automatically entitled to a special treat. It's true that she behaved rather well during the last hours. She wasted no time with lies, gossip or begrudging other people's happiness. But an entire day of acceptable behaviour doesn't justify any kind of reward. If she wants me to shine for her, she must actively do something to deserve it. Today, she merely refrained from being her usual self because this was an unusually cheerful day for her. So, my blue line will remain unused until next year, when I'll make a new attempt.
It would be great if I could make it disappear at once, so Petunia will calm down. She thinks that my birthday gift is some sort of bad omen. I'm offended! But I can forgive her. She still can't fully understand me. Or even superficially, for that matter. Well, tomorrow, this line will be gone, and maybe she'll get its meaning then. If she doesn't, there will always be other birthdays. I can wait.
Hopefully, we're going to spend many years together.
There's not much I can do for Petunia these days. I've still got total confidence in my usefulness, even in an environment with no residual magic left to feed me, as is the case now. But, as much as I hate to do it, I've got to admit that Vernon is a strong competitor. Not thanks to his scarce merits, of course. One could replace him with any other person Petunia might marry, and the outcome would be the same: Petunia happy and busy enough that she doesn't really need me.
I'm not jealous. How could I be? I recognise my limitations. The current situation is a perfectly normal one anyway. Petunia has been living her first months as a married woman, and enjoying the advantages that living in her own house with her partner brings.
She's certainly a good wife to Vernon. But that doesn't mean I'm supposed to reward her. Being nice to the man she's married by her free will is the least she could do. There's nothing inherently laudable about it. Therefore, I've got no concrete reasons to shine for her.
Not that she cares. She's been mostly ignoring me. Now, leaving alone with her man, she's got another special source of well-being and relaxation. This was already available to her before the marriage, of course, but the privacy that a couple can only have in its own home makes a world of difference, doesn't it? So, I'm not all that needed anymore.
I can understand her. Really. Even though I'm a bit jealous (just a bit). And lonely.
My lonely days seem to be gone. At last!
Now that she's pregnant, Petunia feels so nervous, insecure and sick that she's got no choice but to seek my company. She's finally realised that there are things Vernon can't do for her after all. Like help her forget her fears. If anything, he's been contributing to her anxiety with all those comments about how sure he is that their child will be "normal."
The possibility that her first baby will be just like Lily terrifies Petunia. She repeats to herself that no child of hers would ever prove to be a "freak," as she refers to her sister. Yet, she can't stop reading magazine articles and books about mental health, even though the cases described by their authors bear no resemblance with Lily's situation.
Last week, she considered writing to Lily. At first, she demanded that her sister didn't try to approach her in any way, and that she didn't send her any gifts. Then, it occurred to Petunia that, if magic were contagious, her secret (to everyone but me) dream of being accepted at Hogwarts would have come true, and that she would have owed it to having a witch in the family. So, she scrapped that first letter. Then, she spent a long time thinking. Thinking. And thinking some more. I just waited.
This is what she wrote on the new sheet of paper after all that thinking:
I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I need your help. Please.
I turned red and shone immediately.
Alas, Petunia never saw me doing this, because at that moment I was here in my drawer. Much to my frustration (but not surprise), she torn the letter instants later. I had no choice but to stop shining and turn orange.
Interestingly, she took me out of the drawer right after throwing what could have been her first step towards reconciliation in the trash bin. She hoped that I'd make her feel better, hence validating her decision. But all I could give her was my dullest shade of orange.
Funny how Petunia, being so averse to all that's got to do with magic, sought validation from me of all things. She can't even hear the word "witch," she's never told Vernon about me, and she won't write to Lily anymore. Yet, she expects me to shine for her and find a way to kill her inner beasts... magically.
This kind of magic doesn't exist, my dear Petunia.
When will you learn to say "no" to Dudley, Petunia? I'd let out a sigh of frustration if I could. Then, again, no one would notice or care.
I'd love to convert her motherly feelings into reasons to reward her, but that's impossible. Why should I compensate someone for fulfilling an obligation?
I know she's been doing the best she can. And the worst too. That's my issue with her attitude. She thinks that she can use her son as a case study in her course Fair Parenting: How To Make Your Children Feel Wanted and Loved. Her target audience is limited to two people: her father and her mother.
She actually knows they won't attend the classes. But this doesn't stop her from advertising her qualifications as a teacher: she truly loves Dudley; she's placed him at the centre of her life; she does everything he wants. Therefore, any fool can see that she's the best mother of the world! Everyone can learn something from her!
Alas, she's the one in need of a good teacher. I'd be glad to play this role in her life, if she let me. That's what I've been trying to do since she became my owner. I've got no concrete results to show, but I haven't been made to give up.
It would help a lot if she hadn't given up on me. But, these days, it's all about her precious Dude Dudkins. She rarely thinks of me. She's come to the conclusion that I'm no longer useful, because I haven't shone for her in months.
Just give me a reason, Petunia. It doesn't have to be something big. You could begin by countering Marge's malicious comments with benevolent words. You could disagree with Vernon when he judges someone by their looks. You could try not to grant Dudley's every wish.
It's not that difficult, if you think about it.
Welcome back, vivid colours! I missed being able to display you. I only hope that your return won't make Petunia hate me forever. On the other hand, if she directed all her bitterness at me, and if with that I could spare her nephew from her resentment, I'd be glad to carry that burden.
At first, she was too overwhelmed by the sudden changes in her life to even open this drawer. She lost Lily, and she also lost the wizardless life she prized so much. Why would she waste her time staring at a silly ball?
Yesterday, she was thinking about Lily again (she's been thinking a lot about her sister), and it occurred to her that it was time to take a look at me. With the plans she and Vernon have been making for Harry, I couldn't help but colour myself orange. Of course, I wasn't shining when she grabbed me, but my renewed brightness didn't go unnoticed. She could see what it meant: it's Harry's presence in this house that makes me look so good again after all these years of dullness.
As I feared, she got mad at me and put me back here right away.
She doesn't want to look at me anymore. What am I going to do now? I'm sure Petunia needs me more than ever. I'll show her my best red when she allows herself to mourn over her sister's death (she says to herself that Lily's got what she deserved). I'll shine for her whenever she swallows her grudges and treats Harry fairly (she sees in him a tool for revenge, rather than a close relative). I'll make my blue line thicker if she doesn't let Dudley eat too much when her next birthday comes (she is more determined than ever to be a vassal to her little king).
You can promise to yourself that you'll never open this drawer again. But I'll still be here, waiting for you. I hope to see you again. Someday.
There's something wrong going on.
As much as I wanted to see Petunia again, I wasn't expecting her to come back to me so early. It's been just three days since she sworn she would keep me in my drawer forever, and here she is, holding me in her hands as she cries for Lily.
I offer her my most vivid red, just like I'd planned to do. I shine as intensely as I can. This is a special occasion. Lily is no longer an enemy; she's her sister again.
I'm so proud of you, Petunia. I always knew that sooner or later you'd find the strength to fight against yourself. This is just the first of many battles that you're going to win. After every new victory, you can come to see me. I'll be here, ready to grant you your well-deserved rewards. Like I'm doing now.
Can't you see it, Petunia? I'm rewarding you now. I'm shining for you.
Why don't you feel better?
This is weird. I've never failed before. In fact, I've been made to never fail. So, why can't she react as usual?
Her sobs are subduing. But her emotions don't feel any less intense to me. They just seem to be changing into something else.
I can't shine anymore. I've got to colour myself orange. She won't notice my changes now that she's closed her right hand around me. But I can feel her changes clearly. The softness of seconds ago is giving place to this hardness that is too much even for her.
I wish she wouldn't tighten her grip on me like this. It makes me uncomfortable. I... I want to go back to my drawer.
Why is she raising this hand?
Petunia, what does it mean? Surely you don't want to do anything you'll regret later. You aren't going to complete this movement, are you? You need to calm down. What are you going to gain if you destroy me? I've always been good to you. I want to shine for you again. Just put me back in my drawer. Please.
Stop it. Stop it. You can't do that, Petunia. You're going to-
No!
What have you... shine... shattered... still want... Petunia... my pieces...
The End
More author notes for the fic's recipient: Ayla, your prompt gave me a lot of room for invention, and this was the result. I hope I haven't come across as, er, "unnecessarily creative" or something like that. I've tried my best to keep Petunia in character while also humanising her, as per your request.
This fic turned out to be at least a thousand words longer than I had predicted. So, I'm rather glad with its final length, even though I'd have liked to write a much longer story for you.
Author notes for all readers: If you're a new reader, thank you for giving this fic a chance! If you're one of my usual followers, thank you so much for your never-ending support!
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